Sometimes I get inspired and write down my thoughts: the articles, usually about improving yourself or your awareness, can be found below:
June 2025
Walking the Spectrum: A Personal Story of Motherhood and Growth
I would like to share a story with you, a piece of my own life. I do this especially now because recently I have met many people who live or work with someone who has a disorder or have a complicated life because they have a disorder, which raises life challenging questions. Through my personal experiences, I am often able to answer these questions or provide tools to make life easier for everyone involved.
When my son was still small and entered the toddler-puber phase, I often felt lonely and misunderstood. My son was frequently angry, frustrated, and had enormous temper tantrums. At the time, I didn’t know that he was on the spectrum, and if I had known, it would have spared both of us so much frustration and sadness. From his second to fifth year, he expressed his frustration by regularly lying on the ground while screaming and crying, whether in the middle of the street or in the supermarket didn’t matter to him. The word “no” was not accepted, and after a busy day at school, going out quickly to run an errand with him was out of the question. He even refused to eat hot meals for several years. Well-meaning advice from the health visitor, doctor, and teachers—the so-called experts—did not help. Everyone thought he was just a stubborn toddler and that I was not consistent enough. Something inside me sensed that there was more to it, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.
However, I quickly realized that he was hypersensitive, and by taking this into account, our lives remained manageable. A crying spell from my then still-small boy could last up to five hours; he would stand or lie on the ground, screaming and crying for hours. His anger about our misunderstanding was so immense that it simply had to come out. Of course, my own frustrations also skyrocketed, but he was and is my child, and I had consciously chosen to become a mother. Therefore, I saw it as my task to give him all my love and patience, every day again.
His father (my then-husband) fled the house; he couldn’t handle it at all. My family lived far away; my friends worked and didn’t have children yet. I was alone and had to do it all by myself. My world was small and got even smaller when, at age five, he was diagnosed with Asperger’s. Finally, there was a “label,” but that so-called label did gave me the chance to become wiser. I read as many books as possible, went through a lot of online information, received a crash course for parents with children on the spectrum and gained a deep understanding of how his brain functioned. I completely overhauled my life to make his life—and thus our family’s life—more pleasant, calmer, but also lonelier, much lonelier for me. Everything revolved around my family, work, and relatives; I had a demanding job as an executive secretary for a manager with PTST and ADD, I was a wife, a mother, managed the entire household, and was the strong pillar of the whole family (even the in-laws). But Kim was no longer in the picture for years.
My then-husband is also on the spectrum, but he refused to acknowledge it or do anything about it. For him, it mainly manifested as very egocentric behavior and avoidance. Only after my divorce did I find space again, I was able to breath again and became more myself. I was a single parent and had full custody of our son, except for six days a month. But that brought much more peace and happiness. I managed to plan our lives in such a way, using all the knowledge I had gained, that my son could grow into a beautiful soul.
I am now a very proud mother of this special soul. His view of the world and of “normal-thinking” people is wise and so broadening. He understands that his brain works differently, but that actually gives him many wonderful insights. He always immediately and sharply sees whether people are truly genuine or hiding behind a mask. He is very spiritual but chooses not to do anything with that now. According to him, he has already done enough in his spiritual journey in his five previous lives. Yes, he indeed remembers in detail his five previous lives. How extraordinary.
He is now an adult, and step by step, he’s venturing out into the wide world, often with reluctance because new situations are difficult, but now manageable. And I am privileged to support him; I have been given the exceptional task of being a mother to such a remarkable soul. I am immensely grateful for the journey we’ve traveled together, for all the lessons we’ve learned, and for the love that exists between us—each in their own way.
I want to share this story with you because if you live close to someone on the spectrum or with a disorder, and you find it challenging, know that you are not alone. There are life experience experts who can help you.
And if you yourself have a disorder diagnosis (or suspect you do) and you are looking for someone who can help you manage life better, maybe even make it more beautiful for you, I would be happy to help with that as well.
If my story resonates with you and you feel comfortable with me, then I would love to be your life coach. I provide coaching online and help you deal with daily challenges.
How wonderful the world would be if we helped and understood each other a little more—truly and deeple understanding and also being open to the misunderstanding.
Love, from a proud mom
September 2024
The science behind that woo woo stuff
How often when meeting new people I get a strange, confused or dismissive look when I mention that I am an inner healing coach or spiritual life coach, and then also organize gatherings for women where we meditate, are creative, do journals and other exercises to raise our vibrations and embrace our womanhood, that can no longer be counted.
But what many people don't realize is that behind all that woo woo stuff lies a lot of scientific evidence. More and more psychologists and doctors are advising patients who are in or close to burnout to practice mindfulness; to meditate, to practice yoga, to find a creative hobby. And there is a lot of knowledge from many studies behind that.
That's why I felt the urge to write an article about this with a number of references to studies, who knows, maybe it will open a number of people's eyes and they will become a little more open to what those 'spiritual' people do.
Meditation; something I should be doing on a daily basis.
I too am consumed by daily life, so daily meditation is a thing. But when I have done it, I feel fitter, calmer and more open to what life brings me and the possibilities that life offers me.
Various studies have shown that regular meditation brings you many benefits. For complaints such as depression and insomnia, it has even been shown that meditation can have as much effect as medication, without the unpleasant side effects (according to Neurologist Steven Laureys (Université de Liège).
Below I would like to share some of the benefits of meditation with you and some studies to measure them:
- It reduces stress
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0889159112004758
- It brings greater emotional health
People who meditate experience fewer negative thoughts in response to viewing negative images
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4178287/
- It improves your sleep
People who meditate can sleep longer undisturbed and the severity of insomnia is reduced.
https://academic.oup.com/sleep/article/37/9/1553/2416992?login=false
- It improves your immune system
Meditation improves the immune system without triggering inflammatory signals
https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.2110455118
- It boosts your creativity
Certain meditation techniques can promote creative thinking, even if you've never meditated before
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/10/141028082355.htm
- It slows age-related cognitive decline
Multiple meditation styles increase attention, memory, and mental speed in the elderly
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24571182/
Being creative, I love it.
That doesn't mean I'm a Rembrandt or the next Martha Stewart, but when I'm crafting, styling my house, painting/drawing, writing an article or designing flyers I get into a flow, It relaxes my body and I enjoy the moment more. And with being creative, you can also think of coming up with a new recipe or creating your garden or photographing.
Various studies have found many advantages, but the benefits listed below are the best ones in my opinion:
- It reduces stress and anxiety
By being creative, a kind of flow is created and you stop thinking and worrying about all kinds of other things. You are only concerned with what you are making and how you are going to do it.
- It's good for your brain
Large parts of the brain are put to work when it comes to creative processes. These activities in the brain keep the brain healthy. This reduces the risk of forgetfulness later in life.
- It improves your mood
Creativity not only works well against stress, it even makes you feel more comfortable in your own skin. Creativity gives a lot of satisfaction, especially when something has worked out well. But it also teaches you to stimulate perseverance, you learn to deal with setbacks and you are less likely to be distracted. You are more stable and feel better.
- It gives you self-confidence
Thinking differently and thereby achieving something beautiful, or making something beautiful, that gives self-confidence. Creativity can make you feel insecure at first. Can I do this? I can't think of anything? But if you persevere, it turns out that everyone does have a different perspective and can create something beautiful and new. And that gives you confidence in your own abilities.
That's why I also like to give creative workshops called Canvas Calm or Reflective Art in combination with meditation. This workshop stimulates your creative ability, brings you -partly through meditation- into a flow and therefore your brain sends signals to your body so that it becomes more relaxed. Especially when you do this in a group, because social contacts are also good for your well-being. It's so nice to see people enjoying this relaxing activity, even if they don't have any experience, that's not what it's about, it's about the process of not having to do anything for a while but just being allowed. You put what you want on paper or canvas and the outcome is always a surprise for everyone.
Women's circles or gatherings, what's that good for?
When women come together, something special happens. Without the male presence, women sink more into their womanhood, they are more understanding, open up more quickly and are more at ease. They can and dare to be themselves more and that is actually the most important reason to regularly visit a women's circle or women's gathering for yourself.
The benefits have certainly been researched, but most of the knowledge actually comes from our distant history. Women's circles have been held for centuries and encompass different cultures, belief systems, and landscapes.
Women have gathered in circles to share stories and survival skills by a fire, to celebrate female milestones with music and dancing under the moon, to menstruate together for protection and rest in red tents, and to comfort, uplift, and heal each other without worrying about the watchful eye of men.
Historically, patriarchal societies that feared women's power and rise discouraged women's gatherings and circles. But the women's circle is on the rise again, many women are becoming more aware of the strength and beauty they possess as women and this should be celebrated. And many of those celebrations take place during such a gathering, and the benefits, they speak for themselves:
- It reduces stress.
Studies show that attending a women's circle can help to reduce stress, which in turn helps lower blood pressure, improve digestion, and boost the immune system.
- Reduce loneliness by connecting with other women.
In today's day and age, many women feel isolated, regardless of whether they have a partner or not. Connecting with other women is a natural and healthy way to fulfill the essential human needs of connection and connection.
- Share without judgment.
Women's circles are safe spaces for women to be vulnerable and share what they want without fear or judgment. Everyone is asked to leave all judgmental tendencies outside the space and come in as active and open-minded listeners.
- You feel safe and secure.
When we are in a room with other women without feeling the need to compete, we have a hormonal response that we are safe. Our nervous system calms down, relaxes our muscles, slows down our heart rate, and makes us feel more comfortable.
- It improves your self-esteem and self-care.
Meeting new people or connecting with current friends, sharing openly, or trying something different or interesting for you can help you build self-esteem and confidence. Incorporating the theme or lessons from the circle, the love of connecting with other women, or the beauty of setting aside time for something nourishing, are all ways to practice self-care and reflection.
https://www.wellandgood.com/womens-circle-history-ancient/
So, if you are curious about what such a gathering can bring about in you, what ignites that part of you that you unfortunately don't find during a nice evening of drinks with your girlfriends -but that can certainly bring a lot of fun-, then take part in a women's circle or gathering. You will definitely feel welcome.
Love and Light, Kim
September 2024
What exactly is self-love?
The meaning of self-love is basically love for yourself. You love who you are, your whole body and mind and accept yourself, you are good the way you are. In addition, you also know how to take care of yourself very well. Deep down you feel the love for yourself flowing.
You live from your heart and you no longer live from fears that hold you back. You don't need anything from the outside anymore to feel good on the inside. When you love yourself completely, you radiate that and therefore you attract love again. You also help other people with self-love, without being aware of it. How beautiful is that, when you radiate self-love, you plant seeds, you make others think and sometimes others want to look for what makes you so happy, self-love.
Almost all of us know what self-love means, but why is it that the vast majority of humanity, especially in the Western world, is deficient in self-love?
Self-love is:
- Finding yourself good enough
- Knowing what you have to offer
- Positive thoughts about yourself
- Taking good care of your body and mind
- Develop yourself personally
- Be honest with yourself
- Accepting imperfection
- Fully embracing your emotions
- Daring to make mistakes
- Allowed instead of having to
- Facing yourself
- Choosing and standing up for yourself
- Be who you are
What are the causes of a lack of self-love?
When you have a lack of self-love, it can have several causes. Unfortunately, there are very few people in the world today who have a healthy dose of self-love.
Possible causes why you may lack self-love include:
- Your upbringing
- You're self-effacing
- Social pressure
- Distractions
- You depend on others to receive love
Your upbringing may have played a major role in causing you to have little self-love at the moment. If you didn't get enough care, security, attention, respect, and love from your parents or from the people who raised you, it may have left you with low self-esteem. In addition, your parents may have protected you too much, so that you cannot deal well with setbacks and you disapprove of yourself because, according to your own imposed rules, you are not good enough.
Effacement, we all do it, especially women do this often. And you can't blame yourself because that's how we were raised, your family, your friends and society expect it from you. And we want to live up to expectations, even when it's bad for ourselves. If you always want to help everyone, it can be at the expense of your own happiness in the long run. If you continuously put yourself in 2nd place, you actually forget what you want. You think you are doing something right for the other person, but there is still a missing piece of the puzzle that prevents you from being optimally happy.
You lack self-love, because you should always come first, when you are happy with yourself, only then can you start to mean something to others.
In today's society, we all need to perform well. The pressure to perform is increasing and we compare ourselves too much with images on social media or advertisements on TV. We keep reminding ourselves that we are not perfect. You may have talked yourself into limiting beliefs, so that you experience little self-love. Just look at all the commercials about someone's appearance, actually they often feed your insecurities and therefore indirectly undermine your self-love. And there are many other advertisements that are negative for your self-image or self-love.
There are also many distractions around us that give us dopamine kicks and make ourselves feel good. Think of Netflix, shopping, social media, unhealthy eating, gaming, watching videos on the internet, etc. We keep numbing ourselves in order not to get to our own feelings. When these distractions fall away, we can find ourselves feeling depressed and unloved. As a result, we feel little love for ourselves and we really need this from the outside.
When you make yourself dependent, you need the love of other people to feel good about yourself. This is similar to the derivations mentioned above, but now it's about people. You may be asking for a lot of confirmation from people about whether you are good enough. I regularly hear, mostly women, ask their husbands; Do you still love me?
If you make yourself so dependent on others, you will be left with a void when there is no one around you. Have you ever thought about asking yourself that question, do I love myself?
The power of self-love
When you have enough self-love, there is an enormous power behind it. You have a deeper connection with other people, fewer health problems, less fear of failure and perfectionism, you have better emotional resilience, more self-confidence, you live from your heart without fear, you have more positive thoughts and you feel happier. You will also develop yourself more spiritually as a result.
How nice is it when you don't need anything from someone else, because you are enough, you don't look for confirmation, you choose to organize your own time, you meet your own expectations in the first place. As you can imagine, all of this has a positive effect on your well-being. When you love yourself, you also learn to say no to others lovingly and when necessary, also to yourself. And that is also good for your well-being.
How to create more self-love
You need to become aware that you don't need anything to feel happy inside. If you are materialistic, then this is an addiction to feel good about yourself and you will need new things or challenges again and again to be able to experience that bit of satisfaction. Awareness about yourself is very important if you want to experience more self-love. What thoughts and feelings do you have on a daily basis? What are you actually saying to yourself in your head?
It helps to keep a daily journal and write down all your feelings and thoughts of the day. Ask yourself good questions about why it is and whether this is really true or whether you are just imagining it.
Through meditation, you can achieve a state of calm. In this you leave your feelings and thoughts for what it is and you can do this without judgment. You embrace the feeling. When your inner self is in balance, which you can achieve through meditation, you will automatically get more self-love.
During the retreats and creative workshop (canvas calm) I host, I often give a self-love meditation to bring your brain into theta waves so that all messages land deeper in your subconscious. With the creative self-love workshop you get the chance to paint a visual message from your inner depths. Through the meditation you know how to put your emotions on paper, so that they can escape from your mind and body, which leads to more relaxation and peace of mind. Also a nice bonus, right?
Self-love quotes can also help you gain more awareness and insights. Sometimes that one sentence can make you think differently all at once. This makes you look at life differently and maybe even find a solution for yourself to get more self-love.
Example of self-love quote:
"When you say no to someone else, you automatically say yes to yourself"
Why should you be afraid of a reaction from the other person if you say no? Are you not allowed to have self-love? Always choose for yourself and don't run up and down in front of everyone to make them fun. If the person you're saying no to gets angry, then you know they're trying to manipulate you. Let it go. If someone really cares about you, he or she will understand you if you say no and allow you to choose for yourself.
Okay, this might make some people feel uncomfortable, but it's still an important part of self-love... During my training as a Sensual Healing coach / Inner Healing coach I learned that self-love is also stimulated by an intimate act of love with yourself. In other words; solosex. For both men and women, solo sex is a good way to get in touch with your own body. It's about really paying attention to yourself and doing what you like. I'm not talking about watching porn, or having an orgasm quickly, but being fully connected to yourself. You alone with no distractions. It is healthy, spiritual, emotional, energetic and sexual. It's completely private and it brings two nice touches; The hormones give you a natural high and your skin gets a beautiful, natural glow.
Affirmations for more self-love can also help you program the image of yourself into your subconscious. It will give you more self-confidence and ultimately more self-love. Repeat these affirmations daily, for example just before you get up, while brushing your teeth, just before or after your meditation or before you go to bed.
Examples of affirmations:
- "I'm Good The Way I Am"
- "I embrace all my feelings and thoughts"
- "I'm grateful for what I have"
- "I can be who I am"
- "I'm full of love, strength, and self-confidence"
Letting go of your past. The past has been and the future is yet to come. You live in the here-and-now. Embrace your past and look to the power of forgiveness. You can't change what has been, but you can change the way you look back on it and what you do now. Let go of the past. Be happy with where you are now and work towards a loving future by fully accepting yourself.
Maybe you're not the person you were as a kid or the person you'd like to be. You miss your true essence. This is because you are constantly adapting yourself to other people and their wishes. Maybe you're afraid of rejection or afraid of being hurt. But someone else can't hurt you when you love yourself, take care of yourself, and therefore put yourself first. Make sure you can start living from your heart again. Don't adapt yourself to other people anymore. Always be yourself and choose yourself because you are worth it. If you are rejected for the person you are, then this says more about the other person. Who knows, maybe you are their mirror at that moment because this person does not dare or cannot live that way themselves. Plant that seed, be the powerful and beautiful soul that you are, enjoy yourself and love who you are and make others think twice.
I advise you to choose 1 or 2 of the above options to promote your self-love and do them daily for at least two months. It's a gift to yourself, that moment of the day when you consciously choose for yourself, consciously choose to start loving yourself.
Enjoy, the journey can be as beautiful as the destination!
August 2024
What is that exactly, your true essence?
Remember those times when you were a little child? How very happy you could get about something small? That you were full of anticipation the night before Christmas or before your birthday, lying awake in your bed, because you were looking forward to it so much, you almost exploded with happiness.
When you were little, you were connected with your true essence, and explosion of happiness, knowing, trusting and loving life.
When we turn 12-14 years, most of us disconnect from their true essence to discover their underworld – their shadow sides. These are our triggers, our insecurities. Example: you have low self-confidence, but you don’t want or think you need to work on it. Unfortunately you will then meet people who ridicule you and don’t respect you. The universe (or god or whatever name you want to give) is trying to give you a little push in the right direction. The universe wants you to heal, to come back to your true essence. So it sends people or situations at you that almost force you to deal with them in order to change. If you don't do this, you will move in a circle and the life lessons will keep repeating themselves.
Some of us will receive a big awakening later in life, often through great grief, loss of a loved one or a burnout. This is your second birth. After you are born for the second time in this life, you return to your heart’s purity and innocence, and you also begin integrating your shadow side and turning it into wisdom.
But this does not come without a struggle. With an awakening you often fall deep and hard, but please remember, that when you are on the bottom, you can always crawl back up. And that's what it feels like to wake up. You learn, fall again, now less deeply, learn this lesson, than you receive the next life lesson, your learn from it, fall again, get back on your feet, next lesson.
It keeps going, but there comes a point where you realize that every life lesson is an opportunity to grow, to evolve. When you get to that point, you start welcoming every lesson with open arms. And when you accept the lessons with gratitude, no, when you receive life with gratitude, you see the lessons more quickly and you will also find the answers faster. Your light will shine more and more and you will get more and more back into your true essence.
When you read this, you beautiful soul, you are most likely on the journey of awakening and ascension. It’s time to reconnect with your true essence.
Just like anyone else, I’ve been on a journey to meet my shadow side, as you can read on my website or facebook page. I started to find parts of my true essence, when I started to heal from a burn-out and the loss of both my parents within two years to cancer. After a lot of healing, I learned to look at the world again through the eyes of a child, enjoying every wonder of nature. Getting excited about the little things in life. That's when my path to discovering my unique frequency, my own heartbeat, began. My right life path to the reason for my existence here on earth. I too still receive life lessons, some of them are harsh, but now that I know they are there to enrich me, I take them lighter, I welcome them. I even thank the universe every morning when I wake up for the opportunity of yet another day of learning.
Everyone is raised with norms and values and desired behaviours, from home, school, social interaction with others, etc. Those values can certainly be useful, but they also often keep us away from our true essence. You start living in your head, often in fear or pain or disconnection and you leave your heart, soul and body out of the equation.
Your true essence goes beyond your soul and your higher self. It’s the very essence of you untouched by your lives and experiences. One way to think about your true essence is to imagine it as your own unique set of frequency, light, tones, and geometry patterns. Like a cosmic heartbeat, it is unique to you.
This heartbeat forever pulses through you, and when you’re aligned with it, you remember your true self, your purpose, you manifest with ease, and you heal.
However, life can distorts your frequency. Doing inner work, shadow work, meditation, connecting and gathering with like-minded (wo)men and healing clears out your frequency and allows you to anchor in a higher frequency and eventually let your true essence shine through you. When you reconnect to your true essence, your purpose becomes abundantly clear to you.
Your soul purpose is to express the truth of who you are in a way that feels both natural and enthusiastic.
When people begin to harmonize with and tap into their being’s resonance, they fall in love with life at that point, and with all the duality and opportunities it brings to express their true essence. Knowing your true essence is a gateway to your uniqueness and your inner magic. It offers you a roadmap to self-mastery.
This is the reason why I am an inner healing coach and why I organize women's circles, it is my life purpose. And what a wonderful purpose it is: I get to guide people to their true essence, help them to heal and find true happiness, peace and purpose in life.
I cordially invite you to start together with finding your true essence in a gentle and loving way. Feel welcome to join one of my women's circles. I'd love to see you there.
Love and Light, Kim